Why I Hate Penguins

                                Penguins are the flightless demons that plague our southern world.  The only reason they are down in that barren wasteland is because the rest of the animal kingdom banished them for being soulless, Satin-worshiping monsters. Everyone says that penguins are soooo cute, but I am here to tell you folks, they are far from what people think they are. They are not those cute little guys in suits that waddle around acting like they’re the best flappin’ things in the world.

                Animals and humans usually don’t smell good if they haven’t showered in 10 years while lathering themselves in fish guts and penguins take this to the extreme. You would think, “oh they’re in the snow all day sliding around on their bellies so that has to help wash off that stench.”  But actually the snow, ice, and water just makes it worst – two words, “wet dog!”  Penguins eat fish, a lot of fish. Depending on the species of penguin, fish guts and parts could be lying all over the place. The stench and look of these penguins feels like they just came out of a blender full of anchovies.   As you can see from this photograph - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Dirty_Ad%C3%A9lie_Penguin_chicks_(5914029857).jpg – they are not all clean and cute little fuzz balls we see in most pictures. 

                Along with their appearance, penguins are maniacs. They must have all been dropped when they were eggs because some penguins can have serious problems. One particular researcher, Murray Levick, studied these birds with the Scott Antarctic Expedition. The Adelie penguins, the species Levick studied, are simply crazy. According to Levick, “They were sexual tigers and tried to do it with anything they could find”. Only a few people could read Levick’s journal because some of the things in it were so  very graphic and disgusting. Along with the problems Levick stated, most penguins are extremely aggressive. Come anywhere near their nests and that sharp little beak of theirs will be all over you.

                There is no question that these birds are terrible, terrible creatures.   They are actually little devils in disguise.  Don’t be fooled by the suits.